A Little Closer

Every day that I go to work, I feel I am getting closer and closer to making a decision about my future that leans a lot more towards grad school than towards moving back out to LA. The last two days, I didn’t leave my desk all day (oh, except to go grocery shopping for the whole office. Fun.). All I did was read and write converge. All day. For two days. Now, I love reading as much as if not more than the next person, but reading terrible spec scripts and rambling manuscripts for 10 hours is not my idea of fun.

One assignment given to me as a short story that had been pitched to the company as one story, but turned out to be a novel that was about something entirely different. This led me to think that everyone at the company that sent the novel in hadn’t even read said novel. Nice. Also nice was the fact that executives were playing guitar hero in the next office, so as I tried to concentrate on a poorly written manuscript about Alaska, all I could hear was “Monkey Wrench” blasting 10 feet away.

Even reading the trades is making me want to get out of here. I mean, I keep reading scripts thinking I’ll know a good one when I see it, but I read some pilot scripts that were going around that are now being picked up by the networks, and not one of them was anything I would have recommended to my boss. Not only does that make me question the taste of those in the industry, it makes me question my ability to thrive in the industry if I can’t identify these successful scripts.

While all that was going on, I requested more information about the Emerson Theater Ed program, and the admissions ambassador I’ve talked to has given me every answer I was hoping for. I could work while getting my degree. The program is extremely personalized and social. It doesn’t hurt me that I didn’t major in theater in college.

Blerg. I hate how excited I am getting about this, because I used to be this excited about television. I feel like I’ve lost all credibility with myself and my family. No one (including myself) really gets how I turned against working in television so quickly. It just kind of happened one day, and now I get can’t myself motivated anymore. My parents keep telling me to take advantage of everything in LA, in case I change my mind again, but I just can’t picture myself working out here anymore. I mean, if I am this doubtful being here, how am I going to get myself to pick up and move back? My mom says once I get some distance from LA, things should make sense. God, I hope so.

In happier television related news, Top Chef tonight! That’s all I’ve got.