Live Blogging the Olympics

Because I like to make comments about the Olympics, and no one is here to hear them, I will now post them for the world to read. 

• We start out with a Messianic piece about Michael Phelps, with many MANY gratuitous lower body shots. I’m certainly not complaining. 
• The piece contained the quote, “To win 8 olympic medals would be the greatest sports achievement ever,” and of course, earlier in the day, I heard Phelps referred to as “the greatest swimmer, probably, ever.” Well, at least we aren’t getting carried away. 
• A thought: What if Michael Phelps just lost everything? I think Bob Costas would explode. 
• Men’s gymnastics! Not as cool as women’s, but I’ll take it. 
• The necessary build up: “In the prelims, if you mess up, your Olympic dreams end, before they even really start. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been practicing, this is it.” Well, at least things are in perspective now. 
• Up first: Rings! I can’t get the image of Vince Vaughn on the rings in Old School out of my head. 
• I think I don’t like Men’s as much as Women’s because it’s less fun floor routines and more holding ridiculously painful looking poses. I’m not so into that. 
• Remember when these people used to look old, and now I suddenly feel like a failure who can no longer dream of ever going to the Olympics because at 21, I am almost elderly by comparison? (Not that I ever really  had Olympic aspirations, unless tap dancing suddenly became an Olympic sport, which now that I think about it, would be TOTALLY awesome.) 
• And now we take a Inspirational Story break: This one is about an Indian American gymnast, Raj, who, after not making the Olympic team in ’04, took up…philosophy! A natural choice. 
• “After four years of waiting for a second chance, and armed with his new philosophy, he was back in ’08 to try again.” Raj: “Never, ever give up!” But he wasn’t picked again, his olympic dreams shattered. *picture of him looking pissed.* 
• Then Paul Hamm…OUT! Raj IN! “A dream has already come true.” And NBC hopes a single tear is now running down your face. 
• Aw, he went to Ohio State. Now I like him a little better, kind of. 
• USA has “no room for error.” Isn’t that kind of understood? It’s the freakin’ Olympics. 
• I love when the male gymnasts slap each other like football players, trying to build up some manliness. 
• Uh oh. USA Gymnast #3 took a small step! “That didn’t look like it needed to happen.” I don’t even know how to respond to these commentators. 
• Kevin Tan also took a big step! “He’s going to be dreaming about that…and it might be nightmares.” My nightmare would be NOT taking the step and cracking my bones from the force. I really feel that is the worse fate, but hey, I’m not an Olympian. 
• Watching the bar routines makes me super nervous. I don’t like to see face planting from high heights…and the commentators talking about the contestants being nervous does NOT help. I just flash back to that little American gymnast who slapped her face against the balance beam a few Olympics ago. Horrifying. 
• And a lovely reminder from NBC that you can sign up for Michael Phelps news/text alerts for 24/7 Michael Phelps news! Finally! 
• Ok, gymnasts’ faces in slow motion are in no way attractive. 
• “Yikes!” is not appropriate commentary. Not that any of the commentary is extremely insightful, but that’s just bordering on laziness. 
• I love when the goal is to just make it through the routine. Let’s keep the expectations where we can meet them. 
• “He swings with such aggression.” I don’t know, but that phrase does not sound right to me. 
• Sweet Jesus, Alexander Artemev’s pommel horse routine was insanity. ”That was a routine that almost never made it out the US.” (He was an alternate, originally.) And that is why the Olympics are awesome. 
• I think that ice packs saran wrapped to your body does not do anything for your figure. Thanks for the fashion lesson, men’s gymnastics Olympic team. 
• “This was a FLYIN’ high bar set.” Oh puns, you don’t make enough appearances at the Olympics. 
• “I’ve been rockin’ that routine since we got to China!” And that is when you remember that these athletes are regular teenagers. 
• Up next: the Gymnastic trifecta of Japan, China, and Russia! But first, a break. 
• Bob Costas! How I’ve missed you and your amazingly youthful face. (Along with an unknown, mildly hostile – in a funny way – commentator.) 
• “What have you been doing, Chris?” “Well, Bob, I’ve been actually watching the Olympics. You should try it!” These guys might have better banter than Bob and Matt Lauer. 
• Dara Torres’ innovative swim training involves being massaged by feet? If that is what is involved with good swimming, I never want to be near a pool again. 
• Michael Phelps! Only one hour! I’m shaking with excitement.