Tired of Being Tired
Posted by Amanda on 09/30/09 in Arrggghh!, Daily Life, Why I Suck
I’m tired of hearing my named called impatiently from across the room. I’m tired of making copies. I’m tired of grading papers I know could be better. I’m tired of repeating myself over, and over, and over again. I’m tired of saying things like “I’ll wait until you’re quiet,” and “I’m not saying any of this for my own benefit.” I’m tired of feeling like I’m not good enough. I’m tired of never having enough time. I’m tired of wish I could do more, yet not being able to physically do more. I’m tired of saying “No, I can’t. I have more work to do,” to my friends. I’m tired of not even being asked. I’m tired of being told I’m doing great, while never actually believing it. I’m tired of crying to my mom and putting on a smile for everyone else. I’m tired of spending hours working on something for my kids only to have them complain about it.
Mainly, I’m just tired. All. The. Time.
Things aren’t all bad. I definitely have good days. I have times when my kids make me laugh, when they do something fantastic, when my staff makes me feel amazingly smart, and when I look around at all these 14-year-old faces looking up at me and smile because I get to help them get to where they want to go…but right now, I’m definitely in the middle of survival mode, at least according to the “First Year of Teaching Timeline” TFA gave us all. I’m a little worried, because after survival mode is disillusionment, and I don’t think I could handle all this work on top of being seriously disillusioned.
Let’s think of some good things that happened this week: I got my FREE (yes FREE) membership to an uber fancy gym, Spectrum. I caught up on all my television. I ate Chipotle for lunch today. I finally got my next project (kind of) planned out. And that’s all I’ve got for now. Eh.
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the nice thing about having a blog is you can rant and bitch and moan and get it all out, and then people like me will say things like hang in there, which won’t make you feel 100% better, but maybe just a little.
So hang in there Amanda. You ARE doing great.
lynn @ human, being´s last blog ..Days of Grace: 203/365
you are amazing and you’re going to look back at all of this and remember how much TFA ass you kicked. miss and love your face.
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Here via the BlogHer ads/sidebar, and just wanted to let you know that I have several friends who did TFA when we graduated two years ago. And…
Two of them quit. These are two of the most amazing, strong, hardworking, awesome guys, and they couldn’t do it. It was really, REALLY hard for them to make the decision to leave, but it was the right move for them, and now they’re doing other stuff and they’re happy.
But…
A lot of people stuck with it! And they made a huge impact, learned a lot themselves in addition to teaching the kids, and wouldn’t trade the experience for anything.
So…
I don’t know you, but I wanted to let you know that no matter what, it’s okay. Like your friend said, hang in there. You’re doing great, and you’re gonna be fine.
I for one admire you.
Kristan´s last blog ..Attention all artists!