Do I never get to just be happy?
Posted by Amanda on 12/6/09 in Arrggghh!, Decorating, Life Sucks, Why I Suck
Everyone says being an adult kind of sucks. I accept that. I know paying bills, and dealing with insurance companies, and getting your car checked, and living on a budget aren’t fun but are neccessary parts of being an adult. I never expect my life to be all happy rainbows and freakishly adorable puppies. I do, however, hope to one day not dread Mondays. I do hope to one day have a job that doesn’t keep me from doing all the things I love to do guilt free. I do hope to have a fully decorated home and possibly a living room that looks like this.
What I just can’t figure out is, how possible is all of this? Do the people who seem to have all the things I want really have them? Do they have jobs they love? Do they have time to take pictures, to decorate their homes for the holidays, hell, just to hang pictures on their walls? Do they have time to sit on their couches, sipping hot chocolate and watching Christmas movies without the threat of the impending work week hanging over them? Are these realistic things to hope for, or am I going to give up pretty good job after pretty good job hoping for something no one actually has?
My job is hard. It’s frustrating, and time consuming, and exhausting. It takes up most of my time. I don’t dislike it, though. In fact, most of the time, I like it. I do not like, however, that in the past four months, I have yet to find the time to hang pictures in my room. I do not like that I have yet to find time to upload and edit my pictures from Thanksgiving. I do not like that I feel guilty for going out last night, as it prevented me from getting as much work done today as I would’ve liked. I do not like that I get tired at 9-o-clock at night and that I have to leave my friends’ birthday parties early because if I stay, I will fall asleep on their couches. I do not like that my job makes me feel like if I’m not working 24 hours a day 7 days a week, I’m not doing enough. I do not like that I constantly feel inadequate. I do not like that my job feels like my life, when I know I am so much more than my job. Even though I like my job, are all these things that stand in the way of my true happiness enough to encourage me to actively seek out another job in two years when my commitment is up? Or will another job come with the same problems and then some? Are these things that will follow me around no matter where I go?
I hate that I can’t just be content. I hate that I can’t appreciate the good things without letting the not so good creep in and piss me off. I hate that I’m constantly afraid I’ll never get the things I want or that I’ll spend my life settling for less than what will make me truly happy for fear that being truly happy is impossible.
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My perspective is the things come with time and more income, and usually, with finding a life partner who you also share all your living expenses with. My life is richer with things and paid activities since I’ve been cohabitating with my now-husband than it was when I was single and living alone.
I don’t know that anyone has “it all.” But a lot of us have found work-life balance, which in my mind means having enough control over your job so you can also have a life. In some cases, we find this balance in the careers that we choose: I do PR and have a nice 9-530 job that I rarely take home with me. Teachers don’t get that luxury–but most get summers off, which I don’t get. It’s all a trade off.
Balancing your life is exactly like standing in the middle of a teeter-totter: Rarely do you hold still and firm with the board perfectly parallel to the ground. Instead, you’re constantly shifting your weight.
lynn @ human, being´s last blog ..Days of Grace: 244/365
I agree with everything Lynn said! Like, 185.6%!
I was also going to say that if you’re feeling overwhelmed, look into a slower pace of life. Maybe not immediately, but as a long-term solution. Because you can have a lot of the things you want without working 24/7 to do it — if you’re willing to “trade off” some other things, as Lynn said. People in NYC live fast and high, but people in Wyoming live among amazing natural beauty, albeit at a pokey pace. It’s all about finding balance, and what makes you happy. (Whether or not you have a second income to share the burden with.)
Kristan´s last blog ..Gems
I’m always encouraged by the idea that simply from a strong foundation, it’s perfectly fine to pick up a new direction in life without stepping back or falling behind in anyway; just expanding outwards instead of falling inwards. For example, I currently work a street sales job in Times Square. For me, it is a post-college stopgap to make a little money while I jobhunt. For two guys, it’s their primary source of income and careers to manage us. For a few other guys it’s a way to make a great living while pursuing recording careers as amateur musicians. For another, it’s a fun, low-key rebound job after quitting on the financial sector.
So with all those worries about your qualms with teaching right now, what always encourages me is that A) I know you have a solid foundation. I know you, I know you do. And B) we’re all gonna (hopefully) have the time to wear many different hats in our lives. I just hope to enjoy the experience of each hat while I wear it.
Jonah´s last blog ..The Great White Way
[...] promptly failed at the attempt), thinking back on my trip to Australia. I wondered if I would ever simply be happy and reflected on how my life right now is my biggest [...]