There are 8,000 topics I keep meaning to blog about, but my sad dying iBook combined with my apparent inability to climb stairs to use my parent’s computer have combined to create an almost insurmountable obsacle to my blogging. Thus, I bring you a list of things I’ve been spending a lot of my time thinking about lately in one easy-to-digest blog post. Here goes:

1. Ira Glass – Last Thursday night, I dragged my mother to go with me to see “This American Life LIVE“, an event put on by the brilliant and addictive Public Radio show “This American Life” in which they do a live broadcast of their show in New York and beam it out to movie theaters around the country like freakin’ Star Trek! I was beyond excited for it, as my love for “This American Life” knows no bounds, PLUS the fact that actally watching Ira Glass, the freakishly amazing host, talk could entertain me for hours, as I’m so used to hearing him as this omnipresent voice on my walks to and from class rather than a noise actually coming out of a human face. When we got to the theater, we were one of two groups of people there, and my mother laughed at the lack of NPR listeners in the area – 10 minutes later the theater was almost full. Suck it, Mom! (Just kidding, I love you! And Happy Birthday!) I instantly wanted to befriend everyone there, as liking TAL (especially enough to drop $20 to see TAL LIfe) is one of my cool people indicators (you know you have them too). My love was even further solidified by the fact that they had word puzzels playing on the screen as the pre-show entertainment! It was like writing geek heaven. The show itself was great, as the radio show most always is. I cried at two stories and cracked up at all of them. My favorite comedian, Mike Birbiglia, told a story about a car crash in which he was wrongly found at fault (the other guy was drunk, so this was a pretty big slap in the face), and it was alterntately hilarious, infuriating, and touching, like every awesome story should be. (And because I haven’t mentioned it here before, I saw Mike’s off-Broadway show in March and it’s amazing! If you haven’t listened to his CD’s or seen is show, I strongly suggest doing so.) Basically, it was $20 well spent. I reccomend listening to the radio broadcast of the show next week, which you can do on their website.(It’s the episode titled “Return to the Scene of the Crime”)

2. Gregory House – Am I the only one who has noticed that there are only about 3 hours in the day when House is not playing on the USA Network? Take a minute, and check it right now. I’ll be you $20 bucks it’s on. Go ahead. I’ll wait…….As someone who has always thought I should watch House, because it’s a quality show and I am a lover of quality shows, it’s been nice to be able to watch some episodes here and there, but it’s becoming ridiculous. I watch one because it’s the only thing on, then I can’t change the channel in time before the next episodes starts and BOOM someone collapses with a siezure or heart failure that is TOTALLY UNEXPLAINABLE and OMGIHAVETOKNOWWHATTHEYHAVE!! Suddenly it’s three hours later, I still don’t exactly understand what was wrong with the patient, and I’m dreaming in medical jargon. Luckily, House’s witty dialogue and curmudgeonly attidute make it all worth while.

3. Flickr – This site is like photography crack. I get on to upload a few pictures then BOOM, I see someone made a comment on one of my pictures. “Join our group! It will be fun! Everyone’s doing it!” I click on the link to check out the group then suddenly I’ve lost ANOTHER three hours I thought I’d use to do something productive after breaking free of House, but instead I go from photostream to photostream with my mouth hanging open wondering how in the hell someone took this picture. It’s a problem. (Speaking of photos, have you checked out my new photoblog? Have you? Again, I’ll wait…../end shameless self-promotion)

4. Work – It’s slowly sucking out my soul. I don’t do well dealing with the public. At all. Especially when I have to work to please them and live with the mantra that somehow, despite how stupid and ridiculous and clearly WRONG they are, they are right. It hurs my soul. It really does.

And that is what has been taking up my time. Clearly, these are life-altering things I’m devoting myself to. I mean, I’ve got all major medium covered – radio, TV, internet. My life is crawling with excitement. Soon, though, that sarcastic statement could be true! Thursday, I’m headed to Boston for two days, then I’m back for a week, then it’s off to Boston AGAIN for senior week, then home for two weeks to pack up my life, then it’s off to Vegas, Baby (!!) for a little meet-up you may have heard about, then I’m flying to San Diego to pick up  my car and see the family, AND THEN I’m driving to LA and hanging out with my high school BFF and you know, starting my new life. So…yeah…this  may be the end of me complaining about how bored I am. Thank god.

I’m not usually one to post about politics on my blog, save for the obligatory “I’m happy Obama was elected” post on November 5th, but this morning, I got angry. 

If you aren’t an avid pageant watcher, and I’m SO sure most of you are, you may not have heard about the little controversy involving Miss USA judge Perez Hilton and runner-up Miss California. Basically, during the final portion of the competition, Perez asked Miss CA about gay marriage , an extremely topical and relevant question given all the controversy revolving around Prop 8 in her home state. Miss CA basically said “It’s great that we can choose to either support it or not in our country, but I choose not to support it.” (She also called heterosexual marriage “opposite marriage,” which alone would have made me question her qualifications, but that’s another post altogether.) 

I was a little annoyed at this, but definitely not angry, until I read some comments on this Entertainment Weekly PopWatch blog post about the incident - they are nauseating: People saying Perez was pushing his “homo agenda,” people saying that Miss CA spoke for the 70% of American’s who speak “the truth-the BIBLE,” which will win in the end, saying Perez was a “jerk for even asking this question especially because he’s a homosexual” (so because he’s gay, he isn’t allowed to ask question?) and comment after comment of unbelievable, hate-filled, homophobic trash. 

I tried to look past it, to chalk it up to internet craziness. Then, I turned on the Today Show to find Kathie Lee and Hoda Kotb applauding this woman for “speaking her mind” and not being politlcally correct, something  many of the internet crazies were saying. Um…excuse me?! 

That is when I got angry. Yes, everyone is entitled to their opinion and entitled to voice that opinion in their private lives, when they are speaking for and as themselves, but a contestant for a title like MISS USA is most certainly NOT allowed to promote hate, to stand for exclusion, and to tell a large segment (yes, it’s a “minority,” but it’s not just 5 people sitting in San Francisco - it’s MILLIONS of Americans) of the population that to her, and she means “no offense to anyone” (how kind of you!), that because how they were born, they don’t deserve to live with the same rights as all us “normal” people. America stands for free speech, but it most certainly does not stand for hate and inequality. Would we applaud a Miss USA contestant for saying she didn’t believe in interracial marriage or that all Jews and Muslims are going to hell for not believing in Jesus? Absolutely not, so why should we be expected to support a Miss USA contestant who is homophobic? 

It also pisses me off that people act like Perez asked some completely inapropriate question – it was probably one of the most topical questions of the night. Gay marriage laws were just passed in two states and were a major part of the last election in Miss CA’s home state. Just because Perez is gay himself doesn’t mean he should shy away from asking topical questions about gay marriage, and asking those tough questions doesn’t mean he is simply pushing his agenda. He was getting information on a timely issue from a contestant. He said he asked the eventual winner of the compeetition about the Federal Bailouts, an equally topical and difficult question to answer. He wasn’t attacking Miss CA. She sabatoged herself.

And to those saying he wanted her to lie or hide her values, Perez very smartly pointed out in his Larry King interview that she could have answered in a way that fell in line with her own views while not completely alienating gays and lesbians. He suggested she could have explained she thought it was up to the states to decide, and he too, went on to explain that just because her personal opinion is that gay marriage is wrong doesn’t mean she should express it as a contestant in a national pageant. Anyone in a public forum representing a company or an organization knows that sometimes personal opinions can’t be expressed in full. For example, a CEO might be a hate-filled anti-Semite, but he sure as hell isn’t going to stand up, representing his company, and say he hates Jews. It’s not OK. Period. And her answer was most certainly not OK. I don’t care if it’s what she believes: you cannot promote hate of gays in a world filled and supported by them – the pageant industry. That is all.

And possibly life. At one point today, I was sitting in my new Prius (yes, it’s beautiful. It’s the ray of sunshine in my current cloud-covered life…) in the mall parking lot, in tears, on my “break” from work (you know, since the rest of the mall was closed, and I didn’t have time to drive anywhere by the time I discovered that, but I couldn’t possibly just walk about the store so…to the fuel-efficient sanctuary I went.)

So yeah…that was my day. And my night may or may not currently consist of Food Network, Goldfish crackers (during Passover, mind you, which I was doing SO WELL at keeping until I was forced by circumstance to eat at Chick-fil-A during another disastrous work break yesterday), and Manishevitz wine. Yes.

Because of how wonderfully cheery I’ve been these last few days, my whole attempt at NaBloPoMo has clearly failed. At least I got the failing out of the way early this time, unlike last November where I made it three weeks only to crumble in the last seven days. 

I might have to start some countdowns to get through the next few work-filled weeks. It’s about a month until Senior Week in Boston, which consists of some fancy outings to Martha’s Vineyard, Quincy, and Fenway Park. The week will then end with a long-awaited Duck Tour with my whole extended family (Parents, grand-parents, sister, sister’s friend, Uncle D, cousins…) which I am BEYOND excited about (as my friends and I said on numerous occasions we were going to go and NEVER DID!) and a dinner party in my honor, complete with Sweet Cupcakes. Then of course, the whole shebang ends with graduation. Woot. 

After that extravaganza, I have another month until the big move. It’s all finally starting to seem soon. I’m finally starting to feel ready. And now time will slow to a standstill. Of course.

As long as it hasn’t sold yet, I’ll be calling the car dealership tomorrow to tell them I want the Prius. I still maintain I’m terrible at making decisions.

Other than that, my main excitement of the day came  vicariously through my sister who saw Jason Segal at Rite Aid in LA. (Me=supremely jealous.) When asked for details,  my sister said only “he was getting a prescription and then looked at Easter Candy.” Good to know.

Of all the things I saw (and subsequently photographed) on my day trip to Annapolis a few weeks ago, I think this was my favorite - 

I mean, do the owners wish they could shut down their boat mid-sail? Did it freeze in the middle of the bay? Or do they just spend way too much time on their computers and think this boat name is snappier than Ctrl C / Ctrl V? (Then they could’ve had TWO boats!) I just wish I knew…

Number one on my list: Talking to strangers in public bathrooms.

The time: This afternoon

The location: Border’s

The situation: I’m wasting time while my mom gets a manicure in the Border’s, having a perfectly lovely afternoon, debating purchasing This American Life season 2 on DVD (the affirmative side won resulting in me spending my evening with Ira Glass.) when I go into the bathroom. Everything is normal until the woman in the stall next to me does her business (pretty loudly) and then says, and I quote, “Wow!” It wasn’t to herself. It was loud and expectant, like she wanted me to answer, perhaps give some witty and commiserating comment about how she must’ve really had to go. Um…no?

Obviously, I remained silent and proceeded to finish up as slowly as possible so I could avoid contact at the sink with this bathroom talker. Unfortunately, I couldn’t go slowly enough, so as I approached the sink where she hovered, I looked down, avoiding eye contact as much as possible. As I dried my hands, the talker looked in the mirror, playing with her hair, then she looked at me and declared, “Looks like it’s time for me to get a haircut!” Um…awesome? What am I supposed to say? “Yeah, your hair looks awful, and by the way, you were right when you said ‘wow!’ before. You were REALLY loud in there! I’m Amanda, by the way. SO great to meet you!” Again…no! I do not come into the bathroom to make friends. I came in to use the bathroom and leave as quickly as possible, preferably, with little to no human contact. I didn’t come in here to comment on your bathroom loudness, bladder fullness or new hair-do.

Of course, I said none of this. Being the awkwardly polite person I am, I simply said “Must be the rain!” and smiled as she skipped out the door. Clearly, she is to blame for my DVD purchase. I had to salvage my journey to the bookstore. Yep.

And that is the story I’m choosing to kick of my April participation in NaBloPoMo. You’re welcome.

The last few days when I should have been recapping my trip to LA or my day trip to Annapolis, reading my TFA readings or  my new found novels, I’ve been online shopping…well, online window shopping, mostly for my future LA apartment. See, picking out items and decorating in my mind makes me feel less like I’m living at home for a few months and more like I’m just passing through, planning for my new fabulous life, which I suppose I am, even though it doesn’t feel like that most of the time.

Some of my favorite finds include:

1. 3-D Chandelier – Urban Outfitters

2. Autumn Kiss – Original Papercut Art – Tinatarnoff on Etsy

3. Yes Frills Jewelry Organizer – Urban Outfitters

4. EXPEDIT Bookcase – Ikea

5. Phone Gocco Screen Print – Labpartners on Etsy

6. Brighton/Vanity Desk – Crate and Barrel

7. Wall Art Vinyl Decal Sticker Decor Headboard – Art Wall Project on Etsy

8. Happiness Ring Catcher – Five Tress on Etsy

In searching for apartment dressings, I inevitably end up on Etsy, which then inevitably leads me to look at pretty, pretty jewelry (and the occasional purse and headband) for hours and hours. I mean, how adorable slash beautiful is this stuff?

1. Ruffle Linen Bag with Lace – Straige

2. Strech Me On Sterling Silver and Pink Swarovski Ring – Always Chic

3. Leaf in a Drop Earrings – Shlomit Ofir

4. Pearl Scented Rosebud Stud Earrings – hot-pins

5. Poppy Ring with Gold Centre – Simone Walsh

6. Citrine and smokey quartz double sterling silver necklace – Essensual Jewelry

7. Long Double Element Necklace – Simone Walsh

And now I guess you can add writing this post to the list of things I’ve been doing instead of what I should be doing. Ugh. Off to do some reading…maybe…oo look at this ring!

Being at home does present some perks – one of which is access to my parent’s much newer, much faster, must more iSight-camera-equipped iMac, which allowed me to participate in the second 20SB Vlog Day! Enjoy! (Oh, and pay no attention to my hair…it looks much curlier and nicer and less “I just rolled out of bed and tousled my hair” in real life than it does on small built in computer cameras….)

 
20SB Vlog Day #2 – My Love for HSM3 from In Development on Vimeo.

(You can check out all the 20SB Vlogs here.)

I’m not old. I know that. By any regular view of the world, I’m right on track with the normal pace of life. I’m 22. I just graduated college. I’m starting a career…soon. Sometimes, though, when my google reader gets to zero, and there’s nothing but bad romantic comedy marathons on television, and I get to facebook stalking some of my old high school friends, I start to feel like I missed out on some giant life shift in the last four years when everyone else became a kind of adult, and I stayed the same. 

Well, that’s not entirely true. I am world’s different than I was in high school, but my changes have been mental. I’ve gained confidence. I’ve learned about myself. I’ve kind of figured out what I want in life. A lot of my high school friends, however, in just four years, have gotten engaged, bought houses, gotten married, and had babies. I feel like I just saw them. I feel like I was just singing next to them in the spring musical,  going with them on midnight runs to Steak and Shake, gossiping with them about our English teacher, and sometimes, I feel like (no, I know that) I’m STILL doing these kinds of things. I feel like they are living lives that I can no longer relate to in any way, like they’re adults, and I’m still this weird teenager-young adult hybrid.  

Not that I want their lives. A lot of them are still living in their hometowns or some remote suburb just like it. Most of them have jobs like cosmetologist, army wife, or fast food restaurant assistant manager – not that these aren’t respectable choices, but they are just not where I see or want my life going, so it’s not jealously I’m feeling. I just…I don’t know… find it so weird that in four short years, all of our lives have taken this ridiculously drastic turn away from each other. We were all the same. We all related to one another. We all hung out, and now I’m living at home after finishing college, planning on moving to West LA to live with my gay best friend, while my former classmate is in a hospital praying with her Navy officer husband for their 16-week-premature baby. (I found their blog about him via facebook – if you want to keep him in your thoughts.)

All my friends aren’t in this situation. I certainly have a lot of high school friends still in college. I have friends who have moved or are about move to New York and LA, and friends who are single and loving it. It’s just easier for me to process their situations, because we are all still on the same level, in the same place. To me, they are normal. It’s hard for me to process marriage when I haven’t had a boyfriend for more than 3 months…ever. It’s hard for me to process having babies when I minorly freaked out at the thought of babysitting a 13-month old. It’s hard for me to feel like I have all the time in the world to get married and have babies when it seems more and more people already have. When did this happen? When did all these people I know as teenagers become adults? One day, we were all the same, and the next, I feel like I don’t even know who these people are anymore. 

I think what’s especially weird for me is my parents were those people – those people I in no way relate to. They were married and moving to Oklahoma for my dad to start his time in the Marine Corps at 22. I’M 22! Does that mean I’m an adult now, too? Maybe that’s the whole problem…

Monday, the honeymoon period with this time of unemployment officially ended. I’ve started feeling useless, bored, and unmotivated. I’m not quite sure what brought it on. I’m thinking it’s a mixture of realizing I no longer have enough time before moving to LA June to get a part-time job without feeling guilty when I leave (after I will have asked off for a trip or two AND for senior week/graduation) and finding out I failed one of the teacher credentialing tests in California. 

I keep telling myself to stop complaining about these next few months of nothingness. I’m SO lucky to have a job at all in June, so that I don’t need a job right now, so that I can sit around bored without feeling guilty about it. But I can’t stop feeling guilty about my lack of working. I feel like a drain on my family, even though I’ve done everything right up to this point. I graduated early to save money. I’m living at home to save money. I worked hard and guaranteed myself a job (with good pay AND health benefits) for the next two years! I should just enjoy this time, but that’s not the kind of person I am. If I’m not contributing right now, I feel bad spending money right now, no matter what I’ve done in the past or will do in the future. 

Also not me is this lack of…anything. I need goals and schedules. I need places to go. I need projects, and I have none. I could force myself to read some teaching books, but that isn’t enough to motivate me to get out of bed in the morning. When I agreed to graduate early, I never expected to be in a situation like this. In my mind,  I thought I’d get a part time job to save money and enable me to take some guilt free trips to Boston to see my friends (and thus not feel like I’m missing out on my last semester of college) and maybe finally get myself a DSLR that would keep me busy enough at home, thus making graduating early alright. Instead, I have no job, since no one around here is hiring (Thanks, Economy!), and thus, have guilt at the thought of traveling or doing ANYTHING that would waste money, even though, I shouldn’t feel guilty (see above). So I’m double bored, as having a job would enable me to have other things to do, and not having a job results in having nothing to do. This is all now exacerbated by the fact that I have to spend some time (and thus, money) in LA to retake the teaching test in March, taking away money AND time I could have used to get a job. 

Bah! Ok…no more rambling. I need to think of some things to be excited about: going to LA when my best friend happens to be visiting for Spring Break. The NJ/PA/DE meet-up (hopefully) next week. Getting a new computer soon (ish…this keeps getting pushed back…but I’m being POSITIVE. Postive. Postive. Positive.)

Sorry this post is all woe-is-me when things could be SO much worse, but it feels nice to get this out and not just rant about it to my mom, who just tells me not to feel bad, which I wish I could do. 

Tomorrow, I’m going to try to write up my You Inspire Me post. That’s a good goal for the day, right? Right.