Four (oh my god…*insert 10 minute rant about the passage of time and the quickness of life and the frightening almount of general oldness I feel*) years ago, I went on a very weird whim to the very first Bloggers in Sin City, and I’m not exagerating when I say that in some ways, deciding to have a three-day layover in Vegas on my way out to LA changed my life. I met some of my favorite people ever – Nicole, Drea, Doni, Rachel, Kerri, Kaitlin – who I am still friends with today and some of whom have made LA even more of a home than it would’ve been, by inviting me to awesome events, brunches, and hang-outs, and even by finding me apartments. I also learned to take crazy ridiculous risks like staying in hotel rooms with strangers and jumping into fountains, to always dance down the strip, to eat all the cheese, and to spend ample amounts of time in pretty bathrooms. Three years later, I think I’m still in a weird way living by those rules.

The next year, I obviously went back, met even more amazing people, jumped in another fountain (that was apparnelty full of homeless people pee) and had another ridiculous time. Last year was a dark period, where in I didn’t have enough money or sick days to go to BISC, and it was much more upsetting than I had anticipated. I couldn’t go on twitter at all, because I was so bummed I couldn’t join in on the fun, so when Nicole told me last fal how ridiculous this year was going ot be and also that I wasn’t allowed to not go anymore, I started saving money and sick days so that dark period would never be repeated.

And it wasn’t.

This weekend, I was lucky enough to take one of the 60 spots at BISC, and it again did not disappoint.

And this is where things get hard. I want to write a recap of the event, but I really can’t.

I mean, how exactly do you recap a conversation that starts with stories of African rape traps and ends with this photo?

How do you recap Drea’s slighty drunken turtle dancing face and actual mean tutrles pushing eachother off of rocks during brunch? (I hope I told Drea she was making Nick from New Girl‘s turtle face while dancing when I was a little drunk, or else this just sounds bitchy when I’m sober. HI DREA! YOU ARE SO PRETTY AND NOT TURTLE LIKE!)

How do you explain the magic and weirdness and epicness and foot pain that is Vegas with 60 equally magic, weird, and epic people?

I could show you pictures of my blacker than space feet afer walking the strip barefoot to find a fountain for a picture at 3AM or talk about tiny vodka bottles coming out of dresses and dance walking and car dancing (dance walking’s close cousin). I could try to explain how Marcus the audience participant won Zumanity or how I never don’t want to be greeted at the door by this or how Taquito was upset with his 4G service. I could attempt to describe the “metaphysical PAIN” of getting pulled pork waffle fry nachos without the pulled pork or the utter joy of finding a cigarette for my cigarette holder to make my Mad Men costume complete. I could maybe explain to you why I decided to speak in a British accent for 5 hours or dance like a muppet robot with Amber, or I could transcribe the 25 ridiculous 50 Shades of Grey quotes I could barely get through without laughing by the pool, but really, there is no recapping or explaining. There is only living #BISC.

I write this post, then, mainly to remember for myself, to remind others who were there, and to remind myself to look up NYU’s 2013 academic calendar so I can somehow, someway find myself back here next year getting a bear claw tattooed on my lower front with Brandy while singing One Direction with Ameena, while Katelin reads me tweets from the other room about all the hangovers and Kerri Shrug.

I hope all of you will get to join in on the fun one day, because it is the actual best. Thanks, Nicole, for another Best Weekend Ever.

WHO CARES! TATER TOTS!

So things have been…happening.

The biggest thing would have to be, I am officially going to NYU in the fall! If you are in NY, please feel free to (read: please please please please PLEASE) be my friend! I am awesome and enjoy, wine, dancing, television, and restaurants of all kinds. If you have ever lived in NY, please tell me where to eat and/or live. If you live in LA, please hang out with me before August so I don’t cry because I never got to see you before being a plane ride away. I am (at this time) planning on coming back to LA after the program (its about a year), so at the very least, stay in LA for about a year, and then we can hang out again!

The next thing is, I can run again! After 2+ months of being injured and subsequently annoyed, I’ve been running three times (only about 2 miles, but hey, you have to start – again – somewhere), and all runs have been (pretty much) pain free! Let’s hope this keeps up for the Color Run and for the 10K I just signed up for in October. In D.C. Because I’ll be living on the East Coast. (Sorry, just need to remind myself sometimes.)

Last thing is my mom has been visiting this week, as it is my Spring Break, hence my lack of internet presence. We did a whole lot of shopping and eating and little else. Its nice to finally show off all my LA knowledge to someone before leaving for the immediate future. Plus, she always makes me work out more than normal, as no one can not work out when faced with the fact that your mom can do 10 pull ups and you can’t do more than 20 assisted pull ups. She also came to Bootie LA with my friends and I, permanently cementing her as coolest mom ever in my friends eyes.

And one more (actual) last thing, inspired by Nicole, Drea, Amber and Sara, I finally recorded myself reading one of my early-ish blog posts from over 4 (!!) years ago, when I was interning in LA my junior year and ventured into the scary world of LA salons for the first time. Thank the lord I finally have someone I can ACTUALLY talk to at the salon so things like this tale of salon awkwardness don’t happen anymore.

This week, a lot of things have come into focus. Some decisions have been made for me, and some things I’ve decided for myself.

A week ago, I was anxiously checking my email every 20 minutes waiting to hear back from Teach For America about a job that could keep me in LA.

This morning, I called NYU to schedule a meeting with a student in the Theater Education department to ask questions about their program when I fly back East this weekend.

Oh, did I not mention that I got into a graduate program at NYU? Because I did…Let me back up.

As I was obsessively checking my email last Wednesday, as I was still waiting to hear about this job the day AFTER TFA told me I would hear from them, and only 10 minutes after talking to my mother about how CRAZY I was going waiting to hear from TFA, I randomly and unexpectedly got an email from NYU.

“Congratulations! On behalf of the Admissions Committee, I am delighted to offer you a place in NYU Steinhardt’s Fall 2012 entering class”

I, of course, immediately called my mom back, laughing, to tell her I had gotten news but not the news I had been waiting to hear.

Two hours later, I got a call from Teach for America. They were very sorry. They think I had a lot to offer and believe in my talent, but they don’t have a place for those talents right now. It was the news I thought I had been dreading, but after having another plan, another option, an option that after a week of reflecting I realize now is probably the better choice for me, I was fine. I didn’t cry…or even feel like crying. It felt like the right call for everyone.

In that moment, I thanked the universe for letting TFA make me wait that extra day, for letting me get that NYU email first to save me from even one minute of freaking out, thinking I would have no option for next year. The universe is weird that way sometimes.

I also want to thank the universe for letting this be the week I finally started The Joy Equation. As I said last week, I have never been at this sort of crossroads before. While I am so happy to another option for next year (potentially two: still waiting to hear back from Emerson), I still need to make a difficult decision. Leaving my school next year, especially as every student I have taught at that school, is entering his or her senior year – I taught 9th, 10th, and now 11th grade – will be really emotionally difficult, and moving is always a logistical nightmare. On top of that, I have a life in LA. I have amazing friends in LA. I have become accustomed to the weather and proximity to the beach in LA. Leaving all of that behind is not something I can do lightly. With all of these thoughts constantly swirling around in my head, giving myself this chance to journal every day and spend over an hour every week – as I did today – really reflecting on who I am, what I want, and how I think I can get there, has really been amazing and restoring, and I think will continue to be so over the next month as I grapple with these choices.

Later this week, I’m heading to the east coast for my grandma’s 75th birthday and to take a quick trip into New York to check out NYU’s campus. I’m hoping as I make this trip and continue reflecting, things will keep coming into focus!

In lieu of posting something new today, which I was thinking about in between my new yoga routine that’s now two days old and putting off doing work for my actual job by reading interview materials for a potential new job, I’m going to send you over to the wonderful Renee’s blog, where my Powerful Woman Monologue is up! I wrote it after a particularly annoying day talking to my students about Twilight and after FINALLY watching all of Miss Representation with my sister. I’m so happy Renee put this project together, as it is an awesome way to spread awareness about a prevalent problem we all too easily forget about.

I’m happy to say my students are in the midst of the project I referenced in the piece, and it is going amazingly well. It was amazing and empowering watching their eyes open to the ways media can manipulate our views of ourselves and others, and I am proud of myself for making my students a bit more media literate and, hopefully, a bit more accepting of themselves and those around them.

Please check out Miss Representation’s website to learn more and join the movement!

So here I am. Still alive after all these months. Who would’ve thought? I certainly wouldn’t have thought that I would be sitting here in November, single, living in my own apartment, questioning my next step, having accomplished none of the goals I set out for myself in my last post what seems like a life-time ago but well on my way to accomplishing new goals and being totally fine with all of that.

While my life on paper looks pretty much like it did before, there are some minor changes. Still Teaching For America, though as an official alumnus now and not as an active Corps Member, and I did move up a grade with my kiddos. Plus, I joined the TFA staff bandwagon, working at their Summer Institute this past summer, which was both the most ridiculously tiring and stressful and most ridiculously fun job I’ve ever had.

Still living in LA, but I made the move from my super trendy, Grove-adjacent neighborhood, to a less trendy, more quiet, much much much closer to work neighborhood within walking distance of Nicole and Drea. Also, I’m living alone for the first time, which was mildly terrifying at first (like double-checking the locks every night before I went to sleep and then getting up again after 10 minutes of being almost asleep to check them again terrifying), but now that I can come home, sit in silence while watching a DVR full of shows that only I have taped, I’m starting to enjoy it. Plus, I get to feel all adult and accomplished when I do crazy things like unclog my shower drain after being annoyed with the standing water for a month. (That’s an adult thing right?)

And there was that whole, I was in a long-term relationship and now am not thing…which I’m fine with. I’ve had a crazy single summer and have been spending more time brunching, dancing, and just generally hanging out with my amazing friends and some new amazing friends, all of whom say I’m way more fun than I was last year, so I’m going to call it a win. Also, I may be contemplating joining a synagogue just to meet new cute Jewish boys, which I think God would be totally fine with…so maybe I’m not totally fine with being single, but I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts.

The other big change is that I’m thinking I may be done with teaching after this year. While I certainly don’t hate it, I’m starting to feel the “wow, I’m actually completely burned out” feeling, which may have something to do with that ridiculously tiring summer job and the fact that I”m teaching a new grade/subject for the third year in a row, and have thus never been able to reuse any of the work I’ve done for the past two years, and yeah….I’m feeling a little done, which means I need to now have that whole WHAT THE HECK AM I GOING TO DO NOW conversation in my mind for the next 8 months, which in turn means a lot of grad school applications, TFA staff applications, and web searches for jobs in theater education to see what comes up. So you’re welcome for the slew of angsty, where-do-I-want-my-life-to-go posts that will be coming your way in the next few months.

That’s all I’ve got for now – hopefully now that I’m a regular person again, after a lovely two-year hiatus, I’ll make this posting business a regular part of my week again. I mean, I owe it to the awesome redesign to at least give it a chance. (Thanks, Steph!)

1. The new staff at my school. As my school is a new charter, we are adding a grade every year. Thus, we doubled the size of our staff in, this, our second year. Luckily, our new staff is as ridiculously amazing, funny, smart, and collaborative as our old staff, leading us to have ridiculously amazing, funny adventures while competing in a scavenger hunt around the South Bay and do ridiculously amazing, smart, collaborative things, like craft engaging curriculum for the 10th grade. Win.

2. My Toms wedges

3. The Neil Patrick Harris-directed production of “Rent” at the Hollywood Bowl. Having never been to the Hollywood Bowl AND having never seen “Rent” live made seeing this production one of the best nights in a long time. As did the impromptu Ke$ha dance party my friends and I had in the parking lot after the show while waiting for the cars to clear out. Throw in the fact that my (dorky) “High School Musical” loving heart got a kick out of seeing Vanessa Hudgens writhe on stage to “Out Tonight,” and you have an epic night.

4. My last week of summer. Last week (aka my last week of summer 2010), I finally met my boyfriend’s family, by taking his niece to Disneyland (my THIRD time since April. Childhood win!) and by going with his family to a Dodger game (which they won 9-1). I also went skating with said niece, my sister, and my roommate, which I haven’t done since I was 10. Lastly, I slept in pretty much every day until 9, which is late for me. Best.

5. Mad Men. Despite the fact that they cut out the scene my roommate was an extra in (Damn you, editors!), I am SO happy to have Don, Peggy, and even Betty back in my life.

6. Feeling like I’m good at my job. For the first time since I started teaching (granted, its only been a year), I feel like I have some sort of grasp on what I’m doing, and I finally feel like I’m the one truly directing what is going on in my classroom, instead of just following along with the crowd because I’m too afraid to venture off on my own. This is all mostly due to the fact that I’ve been helping new TFA-ers get accustomed to my school, but I’ll take it however I can get it. Hazzah for never being a first-year teacher ever again!

(Photo stolen from Andrea.)

So….Vegas happened.

It was, once again, ridiculous and magical and full of hugging and laughing and inside jokes and and and me looking FREAKISHLY good in hats (and also a bit like Jason Mraz when I quickly glance in the mirror after several afternoon drinks).

(FYI I look good in all hats. I feel I may have mentioned this in a post before…oh yes, here.)

So, there was my ride with Ev’yan and Andrea, during which we stopped for SONIC, which I have not had in years and which made me flash back to sitting in the back of my boyfriend’s truck after Battle of the Bands when I lived in Alabama in 10th grade. Yes, that happened.

Then there was the mad sprint Nicole and I went on while trying to get to the Planet Hollywood “I Just Came from a Theme Party” Bar Crawl before everyone else, caused by the fact that instead of actually, you know, walking towards the giant hotel marked “PLANET HOLLYWOOD” we walked in the opposite direction, forcing us to haul ass back the correct way in order to beat the large group slowing converging on the bar and causing me to almost knock down a small child.

A little later was the time I fell asleep (also known as passing the eff out) only to wake up to Kerri to shouting that she needed to go out and “live my life!”

The next day, there was us getting free stuff by the pool before  Chelsee and Michelle (and husband) ran around the strip like crazy people looking for a giant statue of David and taking some photographic evidence.

After that there was a ridiculous amount of laughter, Kori teaching us that life is never that bad when you’ve got a jaw and that hooker cards are meant to be organized, me rediscovering I look great in hats, a delicious meal that was made “breader” by bread, Amy and I discovering we are clearly soul-mates, fountain-jumping, 60-year old brides belting out “Simply the Best” (“Maybe her husband IS simply the best…”),  insane amounts of dancing at Margaritaville (but sadly, NO Ke$ha!), AND a tiny penis straw.

Lastly there was an incompetent cashier, creepes covered with bacon, (finally!) champagne, and more carbs than I care to mention.

And after that, I went home and  there was LOST. OMGLOSTICRIEDFORFOURHOURSANDSTILLCANNOTPROCESSWHATHAPPENED….

But, yeah…Vegas. Vegas was awesome, as I knew it would be. The end.

Almost a year ago, I packed my car up with all my stuff, shipped it cross country, then packed the rest of my belongings in a ridiculously large bag, and boarded a plane to Vegas.

The first Annual Bloggers in Sin City extravaganza was a lay-over for me in between two lives. On one side of the weekend was college, my parents, the East Coast, and my last little bit of non-adulthood. On the other side was my own apartment, teaching, a new(ish) city, and some old friends. In between was one of the craziest, most ridiculous, most fun weekends of my life.

I met awesome bloggers, danced on the Strip. saw a Cirque show, ate some delicious Italian food, drank cheap foot-tall drinks, watched hilarious you-tube videos, played in the most beautiful bathroom in the US, and laughed until I cried.

Tomorrow I leave for round two. On either side of the weekend is the same life. A life I’m pretty happy with. A life I’ll be happy to return to on Monday, but this weekend, I’m hoping to capture some of the ridiculous  magic of last year.

See you on the other side.

First of all, thanks for the encouragement on my last (majorly downer) post. Last week was especially rough, and the weekend was not much better. It included breaking out in a stress rash, driving to the doctor to find it closed, driving to my school to find my key didn’t work, and driving home sobbing on the phone to my mom. After a rough start on Monday which included dropping a stack my student’s scrapbooks on my foot, this week has been….not terrible.

My students have been understanding the information this week and have been more engaged than usual. They actually started doing internet research today, and kept checking with me to make sure their sources were credible and reliable. (English teacher win!) I had someone observe my class this morning, and instead of telling me I’m completely failing at life, she basically told me to work on things I already knew I had to work on. It was less discouraging and more validating, having someone tell me that I’m not crazy in thinking there are some things I’m good at and some things I definitely need to work on. I have trouble knowing when I’m being too hard on myself and when I’m not being hard enough. Having another set of eyes helps me see what I can’t – it’s much less scary than I thought it would be.

I also somehow finally got into a grove this week of getting all my work done in such a way that I can take an hour or two at night to just sit back, kind of relax in that I’m-almost-not-able-to-keep-my-eyes-open way, and watch Bob and Jillian scream at sweaty, “Biggest Loser” contestants. Yes, I still have a lot going on, and yes, I still might have another nervous breakdown this weekend, but right now, in this moment, I feel alright, and that is definitely worth documenting.

Oh, and as an early birthday present to myself (12 days!), I bought myself Adobe Lightroom with my educator’s discount. $100 baby! Hopefully, it will motivate me to finally edit the awesome photos I took at my cousin’s bar mitzvah a few weeks ago.

I’m done with Institute. I can’t yet process that and should probably be sleeping right now, so until I can form coherent thoughts on the last five weeks, I’ll leave you with a (slightly edited for the internet) email I received from one of my favorite summer school students. It pretty much sums up how weirdly amazing (and challenging and frustrating and ridiculous) the past five weeks have actually been:

Hey ms b, just wanted to take the time and say thank you for everything you have tought us. Being in your class has been a better experience from all my other teachers and I finally understand English well now. Mr. W and yourself are great teachers I hope both of you have great luck in teaching in the future and thank you again for making me understand English way better.
-Sincerely
E