My 22nd year was, in the truest sense, a life-changing year. My life right now looks almost nothing like my life did last year:

Last year, I was in the midst of high school-like drama. This year, I’m teaching high schoolers. Last year, I was drowning in homework. This year, I’m the one giving it. Last year, I didn’t feel any older. This year, I feel about 100.

In the past year, I traveled half-way around the world. I moved back home and moved 3,000 miles from it. I graduated college. I became a real-live adult. I got my first paycheck over $1000. I partied in Vegas and fell asleep at 8:00PM from exhaustion. I went from being endlessly bored, waking up at 10:00AM regularly, to endlessly stressed, pulling myself out of bed at 5:30AM. I made some new friends, visited some old ones, and moved back in with some cool ones. I’ve cried more times than I can count, over friends, over stress, and over leaving behind an amazing city and four years of (mostly) fun.

But now, I’m entering my 23rd year. I welcomed it with a group of 32 teenagers belting out “Happy Birthday” as they ran into my classroom. I welcomed it with ridiculously large homemade cupcakes with contraband candles burning on top. (I told them not to bring fire to school!) I welcomed it with hand-made cards thanking me for “helping us with problems and being a wonderful teacher.” I welcomed it over beers with new, amazing friends who truly understand how old I feel.

While my 23rd year most likely won’t seem as life-changing on paper as  my 22nd, I’m thinking that by my 24th year, I’m going to be an entirely different person, and for today at least, I feel kind of OK with that.

Things I was going to Twitter because I’ve been too busy to blog, but then didn’t even Twitter, because I’m apparently also too busy to Twitter:

- Remember that time I thought I was going to be a normal person after Institute? Hah. Yeah, that was adorable. I’m lengthening that statement to “two years or until I leave the education profession.”

- You know you live in LA when your friends text you that they are going to a bar and then an hour later, Paige from “Degrassi Goes Hollywood” walks into that bar.

- The other day, my “check engine” light came on. I’ve yet to do anything about it except yell, “I don’t have time to deal with your problems, Prius!”

- My friends were all complaining about how annoying their jobs were. All I could add was that my Executive Director (he’s above the principal at my school) pulled me aside to tell me how good my classroom looks. Win.

- It’s really hard to explain to my friends why at 2AM, I’m pretty anxious (read: angry about not getting) to go home and sleep, but also why I don’t mind getting up at 7AM on a Saturday to go to work.

I think that’s it. There are about 8,000 posts I’ve written in my mind about how scared I am about Tuesday (aka THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL) about how EFFING AMAZING my school and staff is, about how I actually love my job (so far…fingers crossed), and how for the first time, I never walk into work thinking, “I really don’t want to be here today,” but it’s hard to prioritize blogging over things like, oh, actually planning out my class, or sleeping, or seeing my friends every once in a while.

It’s frustrating though, because I so wish I was documenting all the things that are happening. I hope I can find the time. I want to remember this.

I’m alive. I promise. This weekend, after staying up for 24 hours on Friday (not. ok.), I started the week feeling like the three weeks I had left of Institute would be ENDLESS. ENDLESS I tell you!

However, after getting the afternoon off yesterday (Happy TFA Day!), which then allowed me to get four hours of sleep from 7 until 11:30 before I drove across town to a midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince with Stephanie before returning home at 4 to get two more hours of sleep, and after finishing three lesson plans tonight without breaking a sweat (and before 10:00PM!), I’m feeling like the two weeks and 2 days of Institute I have left are totally manageable. Especially since tomorrow at this time, I’ll be rocking out to Kris Allen, Adam Lambert, and Allison Iraheta at the American Idol concert…..andagainonSaturday.

Yes, I am going to the American Idol concert twice. And yes, I am aware that the do-gooders here at TFA probably judge and don’t understand my pop culture obbsesions. I know in my heart, though, that the fact that I’m going twice is just the consequence of a weird set of circumstances that involved me not thinking I could make the LA show, buying tickets to the San Diego show instead, and then finding out I could go to the LA show….but I digress.

The seeing HP and the seeing Kris Allen are the things that are keeping me sane and allowing me to plow through these last two weeks. I went into this thing telling myself that I would not change. I would not let TFA consume my life. I would not burn out by pushing away the things I love and becoming scary-serious-sanctimonious chick. I do want to give all I can to my new job, but not at the expense of my life. So…yeah, no guilt. And I won’t complain if I’m tired, which surprisingly after last night’s weird split up sleep situation, I’m not. (I still got 7 hours of sleep, which sadly, is more than I’ve been getting on a regular basis) Although, this post is sounding more and more like I am super tired. Or like I’m drugged.

Whatevs. The whole point is I’m alive. I’m going to make it through Institute, and I’m going to allow myself to have some fun along the way. The end. Good night.

“We are going to watch a video clip about investing your students from Justin Meli’s class. He’s a little bit TF Famous” – My Curriculum Specialist

“No! Don’t take the dinosaur subtraction! Not the dinosaur subtraction! He’s taking it!” – Justin Meli to his 3rd grader, who happily skipped away with extra subtraction homework.

“What’s the smart student motto?”
“WORK HARD. GET SMART. OOO! OOO!” – Justin Meli’s 3rd Grade class

“What is ‘Team All-Star’ in another language?”
“How did we go from ‘Let’s finish this lesson plan!’ to ‘What is All-Star in Spanish?’” – My co-lab (aka teaching partners) trying to think of a team name (and generally being mini-lesson planning all-stars)

Institute is mostly challenging and kind of stressful….but sometimes, it’s just funny.

Maybe you had to be there. Or maybe I’m just sleep-deprived.

For the last few days, I’ve been essentially stranded at my grandparent’s house in San Diego, my car sitting outside, taunting me, unable to be driven due to an out-of-date license plate. While waiting for my new license plate to arrive, I’ve been attempting to make the most out of my free time – scheduling doctor’s appointments and apartment viewings for next week, editing three week old pictures, shopping for “professional” clothes at Target (10 shirts for $90? Yes, please!), watching inordinate amounts of television.

Luckily, my good friend, Nick, lives in the area, so I stalked him until we figured out when we could meet up for dinner. Nick and I met my freshman year of college, as we both lived on the same crazy dorm floor, and we became pretty quick friends. Sadly, he transferred back to CA our freshman year (he wasn’t such a fan of snow), but I’ve seen him every time I’ve come to Cali since.

He is one of those friends I instantly fall back in step with, even though I haven’t seen him for a year. I honestly laugh harder with him than I do with anyone else. We went and got some ridiculously delicious (and cheap!) sushi – Nick blamed me for not noticing he got rice all over his shirt while I warded off our six waiters who kept offering me extra miso soup. We went over his semester in DC, my trip to Australia, his crazy boss’s roommate situation (which he is privy to working out of his boss’s living room), the screaming children I snapped photos of…everything.

After dinner, we, of course, had to pop over to the nearby Pinkberry, since I haven’t had any since returning to California. While enjoying my granola and chocolate chip covered yogurt, I looked at Nick and suddenly exclaimed, “Oh my god, Nick! We’ve known each other for FOUR years!” I keep having these time related revelations lately. I know four years isn’t that long of a time period, but for me, who moved every five years and who rarely keeps in close contact with friends for much longer than that, it seems like a long time to still have this kind of connection with someone. Plus, he’s my college friend. They are supposed to be my new friends! Nick knew exactly what I meant – we are done with college. It’s just life now. My college friends are now going to be my older friends, replacing my high school friends as the ones I reminisce about old times with. We kept referring to the last few months as last semester, until we each corrected each other – there are no semesters now! Just months and years and time. It’s crazy

Despite the madness of the revelations and feeling old, Nick and I had a great evening. I love my grandparents, and I’m having a surprisingly nice time with them this week, but it was nice to get out with a friend, eat some sushi, and talk about the crazy people who ride the bus, TLC’s amazing reality programming (“You have to watch Woman with the Giant Legs!”), and failing at quitting jobs that you hate.

Well, here I am, all packed and ready to board my flight to Vegas in the morning. It’s weird. Last December, coming home to live for the semester instead of staying in Boston seemed like the worst thing in the world. I’d miss my friends. I’d miss “senior year.” I’d be bored. I’d feel useless. I wouldn’t accomplish anything. 

Four months later, I’ve gotta say, I was so wrong. This semester “off” has given me room to breathe. It’s given me time to get ready for a big change in my life. I’ve gotten done all of my Teach for America assignments, which from talking to other corps members, I’ve learned isn’t too common. I’ve been able to save up money to get myself some gifts of the electronic sort. (I’m looking at you D90 and Blackberry.) I got to spend time with not just my parents, but my grandparents and extended family in the area. I got to travel back to Boston and LA when I needed a break, but I got to just be for a while. 

Because tomorrow the madness begins. This weekend, of course, I’ll be in Vegas. Then I’m flying into San Diego to see my mom’s family and get my car, which shipped out this morning. Then after two weeks of relaxing slash getting done all the last minute stuff I need to get done in LA, it’s off to Induction, with a “break” in the middle for a workshop with school colleagues in San Diego, then it’s back to LA for 5 weeks of Insitute, then another 5 day workshop, moving into my apartment with Jillian and Josh, TFA Orientation, a week of inservice days, then TEACHING! It’s insane how much is about to happen. I think I need to take it one week at a time or else I’ll have a panic attack. 

And finally, I have to write some proper thank-yous to the two people who made these last four months possible. 

—————-

Mom and Dad – (who I know will read this entry before anyone else – and warning, Mom, you probably shouldn’t listen to any Miley Cyrus songs while reading this.)

Even though I can get stressed and obnoxious, grumpy and annoying, I have so enjoyed these last four months with you guys. I don’t know anyone else who loves and loves to spend time with their parents as much as I do, and I know how lucky I am for that. Sometimes, I honestly feel too lucky to have you guys as my parents. 

Mom, I’ve loved our Monday movie dates, our lunches at Panera, our secret shopping sprees, and our walks with Sookie. Please keep the kitchen company when I’m gone and don’t order pizza every night. I’ll send you the recipe for my green beans if you promise to make them once a week. Thanks for freaking out about American Idol with me and watching every subsequent interview, and in exchange, I’ll forgive you for baby talking to the dog 24/7. I promise I’ll send you reminder emails every day about what you should watch each night on TV.

Dad, even though we can’t always agree on politics or what to watch, I think we can both agree that House is awesome and always an excellent choice in television viewing. Thanks for putting up with my clogging the DVR, letting me drive the Prius most of the time, and of course, for Australia AND the computer. I’ll never let you in on how I got both, but I do appreciate you falling into my trap. When the next Star Trck movie comes out, I hope we can go see it together, if only to have another reason to yell “KKAAHHHNN!” Please make sure Mom doesn’t use the dog as her stand-in too much, and I’ll attempt to watch Fox News once a month for you to balance out my views. And yes, I do love my room. 

I love you guys and will miss you more than anything. Being far away from you is the worst part about moving to LA. 

Love your best youngest daughter,

Amanda

Things are going well. Eerrily well. I mean, not at the moment. Today kind of sucked. I had to work while both of my bosses dealt with their boss, their bosses boss, and like 8 other people from “home office” visiting and ended up staying three hours later than I was supposed to because I was supposed to be at home packing up my car to get picked up and shipped across the country tomorrow….but I digress. This isn’t about the goodness or badness of today. This is about the general state of my life….which is good. 

Let me explain. About a month ago, I got an email from TFA saying I was going to have a phone interview for a charter school in LA. After going through an interview prep call, I found out what school I would be interviewing with and promptly read their entire website. It looked good. Too good. It’s a brand new school. It’s vision reads like a paper I wrote in my Politics of Education class about how I thought schools should run. The staff seems young, energetic, and super smart. I got nervous…and excited. But mostly nervous. I’d never get the job. It would just be there taunting me while I worked in my crumbling building with an unsupportive staff. A few days after I read the website, I had a phone interview with the principal. She told me after hour 30 minute conversation, and I quote, “frankly, you blow most of the candidates I’ve talked to out of the water.” Then I got a little more excited. She asked me to tape myself giving a 10-15 minute lesson. I had to give it to my parents. It was….awkward. But good. I think. I sent that to her and waited. After a week of hearing nothing, I thought that was it. To the TFA hiring fair! Then she finally emailed to tell me I’d be getting called by another teacher at the school. I talked to her. It, again, went freakishly well. I could see myself working with these people. Then I got more nervous. She told me I’d have to talk to ANOTHER teacher – apparently they had a big hiring symposium where people talked to the faculty, staff, AND parents of the new school, so I think maybe I was getting off kind of easy. Soon, I talked to that last teacher, and again, had a ridiculously good conversation. Then I waited and waited and waited some more, happy that I knew I couldn’t have done any better, but worried because after three conversations and one fake lesson given to my parents in my dad’s office, I was invested. I really really really wanted this job. Then the executive director of the school called me. And he offered me the job. And I jumped up and down a bit. 

So….that’s good. I’m moving to LA with a job, a job I’m excited about and feel qualified for and ready to tackle. 

Then, in case you haven’t heard, I’m going to VEGAS this weekend! It’s going to be relaxing and exciting and fun and SUNNY and even though it’s making packing a bitch, I’m stoked to put real faces to names and voices and make some new friends. 

Then after two weeks in LA gallivanting with my friends AND my high school BFF Kaitlin, I’ll be starting TFA training, which will be intense, BUT what’s getting me through are my newly purchased tickets to see American Idols Live (because, apparently, I’m 12 and obsessed with a married guy and his gay best friend) with my sister in San Diego. I’m so excited I’m thinking of making a countdown to hang in my room at Institute, just so the smartest do-gooders in America can know I’m a fan-girl crazy person, judge me, and move on quickly. We also may be wearing self-made t-shirts. Yep. 

So that is where I’m at right now. Packing for Vegas and My Life, which is slowly starting to come into focus in a very positive way, all the while geeking out over Kris and Adam. I think I’m OK with that. Well, I think I’m more than OK with it.

Last weekend, I headed up to Boston for round one of my Senior Week/College Graduation events. Walking around campus felt weird – I’d simultaneously felt like I’d already moved on, especially as everyone cried about having their last classes, while I’ve been out of classes for months, and like I wasn’t ready to leave. Every building I walked by on campus has these ridiculously vivid memories – classes I’ve taken, events I attended, places I’d lived – that I couldn’t stop thinking about as I walked around. Boston has become more of a hometown to me than anywhere else I can think of, and the thought of leaving for good is kind of heartbreaking. 

Moving around a lot as a kid and attending four (!!) different schools during my four years of high school led me to not attach myself too strongly to any school or any place. When high school ended, I was more than happy to move on.  I was ready to tackle college, and aside from a very small handful of good friends (Hi Kaitlin!), there wasn’t much I’d miss about high school. Same goes for every time I moved – my family always seemed to time our movings to coincide with a rough patch in my life, so moving to a new place seemed like an excellent way to make a needed change. Sure, there were friends I missed like crazy and little things about each town we lived in I was sad to leave behind, but I never found myself thinking, “I’m really not ready to leave.” 

Leaving Boston is and will be so much different. While I’ve come and gone from Boston for the last four years for summers and vacations, I always knew I was coming back. It always seemed like a home base. This “semester” at home has felt like that too. While I know in my mind I’m done with school, I’ve still known I would be heading back for Senior Week and graduation. I still knew I’d see all my friends again. After graduation, though, I’m going to be joining everyone else in the collective freak-out of “Oh my god, I really have to leave now, don’t I?!”

During Senior Breakfast, they showed a “slideshow” of every group picture from our orientation four years ago. When I saw my group’s picture, I saw my blond, shorter hair, my heinous pink t-shirt I thought was fierce, and one of my best friends I hadn’t realized was in my orientation group until sophomore year when we’d been discussing our various orientation leaders over lunch and discovered the coincidence. It felt like SO long ago, while simultaneously feeling like it was only yesterday, like I still needed more time in this place. Then I saw that same friend presented with an amazing award, and while the Dean of Students read of a list of all the accomplishments my friend had racked up in the last four years, I realized we all had enough time in college. We’d all done amazing things, made our mark there, and maybe were ready to move on. 

That night, I attended a special dinner party for all the Teach For America corps members from my school at the Dean of Student’s house (who, by the way, is the greatest school administrator, possibly ever. I follow him on twitter, and I’m told he once held a High School Musical 2 viewing party at his house. To say I was excited to be invited to this dinner would be a gross understatement.) Talking to the other corps members about where we were headed, about teacher certification tests, curriculum changes, and of course, that pesky achievement gap, I felt ready – ready to take on another ridiculous challenge, ready to call another city home, and ready to leave that blond-haired, pink-shirt wearing college girl behind. Almost. No, I am…I think.  

Friday, I head up for the 10-day extravaganza that is Senior Week and Graduation. At the end of it, my family will join me in Boston, take me on a Duck Tour, and watch me graduate from college. Hopefully, by the end of it, I’ll be ready to say good-by to Boston…but that doesn’t mean I won’t be bawling as I do it.

Last night I got called into work last minute. This morning I slept in until almost 11, barely registering when my mom tried to get me up around 9. I then spent the afternoon watching Dexter before going into work again tonight. And I’m absolutely exhausted.

I shouldn’t be. I’m not really doing anything. I guess work is a little tiring, but not to the point I’m at now. 

So that is my excuse for this lame post – bizarre tiredness brought on by nothing. Hopefully, my six hour shift tomorrow won’t wear me out too much. I don’t want to be in bed until noon on Sunday. I mean, I have television to catch up on!

Of all the things I saw (and subsequently photographed) on my day trip to Annapolis a few weeks ago, I think this was my favorite - 

I mean, do the owners wish they could shut down their boat mid-sail? Did it freeze in the middle of the bay? Or do they just spend way too much time on their computers and think this boat name is snappier than Ctrl C / Ctrl V? (Then they could’ve had TWO boats!) I just wish I knew…