2. My Toms wedges

3. The Neil Patrick Harris-directed production of “Rent” at the Hollywood Bowl. Having never been to the Hollywood Bowl AND having never seen “Rent” live made seeing this production one of the best nights in a long time. As did the impromptu Ke$ha dance party my friends and I had in the parking lot after the show while waiting for the cars to clear out. Throw in the fact that my (dorky) “High School Musical” loving heart got a kick out of seeing Vanessa Hudgens writhe on stage to “Out Tonight,” and you have an epic night.

4. My last week of summer. Last week (aka my last week of summer 2010), I finally met my boyfriend’s family, by taking his niece to Disneyland (my THIRD time since April. Childhood win!) and by going with his family to a Dodger game (which they won 9-1). I also went skating with said niece, my sister, and my roommate, which I haven’t done since I was 10. Lastly, I slept in pretty much every day until 9, which is late for me. Best.

5. Mad Men. Despite the fact that they cut out the scene my roommate was an extra in (Damn you, editors!), I am SO happy to have Don, Peggy, and even Betty back in my life.

6. Feeling like I’m good at my job. For the first time since I started teaching (granted, its only been a year), I feel like I have some sort of grasp on what I’m doing, and I finally feel like I’m the one truly directing what is going on in my classroom, instead of just following along with the crowd because I’m too afraid to venture off on my own. This is all mostly due to the fact that I’ve been helping new TFA-ers get accustomed to my school, but I’ll take it however I can get it. Hazzah for never being a first-year teacher ever again!

I think, as opposed to calling it the hardest, I would call it one of the most eye-opening years. I’ve learned and grown a ridiculous amount, as a teacher and as an adult, this year. I thought that today, as I try to wrap my head about this past year and all the knowledge and wisdom I’ve taken in, I would attempt to recount some of the nuggets of goodness I have acquired this year. Here goes:

- Kids lose EVERYTHING. Staple things to their faces…or just teach them to be organized before doing anything else.
- There will always be one more thing to do. At some point, you just have to accept that, stop working, and go buy shoes.
- Coffee cures all, most importantly, mid-afternoon caffeine-withdrawal headaches that come on from not drinking coffee in the morning. On a related note: don’t get too addicted to coffee.
- Grading sucks.
- Kids get annoyed when you take six weeks to grade an essay that took them three weeks to write.
- Kids will call you out when you misspeak, misspell, or misquote ANYTHING. They will take great pleasure in it.
- Students are oddly interested in their teachers’ lives. Tell them a little something about yourself to get them interested in anything else you are talking about.
- Staying up late to get work done helps no one. You cannot face a classroom full of children on less than 6 hours of sleep without exploding.
- If kids don’t know WHY they have to learn something, they won’t WANT to learn it. Explain why you are making them take three pages of notes or write that fourth response to literature essay if you want them to care enough to actually complete it.
- Make time for students before and after school, even if you have 9,000 other things to do. If they are asking you for extra help, they deserve your time and undivided attention.
- Don’t take things personally. Take obnoxious teenage comments as constructive criticism. Fix the problem. If kids complain that they’re bored, be more interesting. If kids complain that they have too much to do, teach them to manage their time.
- Kids care. Even when they act like they don’t, they really really REALLY do.
- The kids you think aren’t listening sometimes are. They kids you think are angels sometimes aren’t.
- In the end, you’ll be surprised by who claims you were their favorite teacher. You’ll claim you don’t care if kids like you, as long as they learn, but its still ridiculously nice to get the “Thanks and I’ll miss you!” hug on the last day of school.

I probably have more, but I’m tearing up. I’ll leave you with my favorite student letter to me on the last day of school, not because she said nice things (She did), but because of how observant she was and how well she seemed to know me. It completely caught me by surprise. I always forgot that these kids had to stare at me for two hours a day, five days a week, for nine months. They noticed EVERYTHING I did.

“I think it was really funny how you would sing or hum when you were trying to get the class to calm down or when you used to “hmph” really quietly. lol You are a great teacher Amanda, and I love you for that.”

And now….to summer!

Oh, sorry. That was obnoxious. That was just me laughing at the mild ridiculousness of this question, the latest prompt form Gwen Bell’s Best of ’09 Challenge.

My biggest challenge? I’m living it this instant, surrouned by papers I should’ve graded weeks ago, a week from a huge school-wide exhibition my students are no where near ready for, wishing more than anything I could be watching the finale of Top Chef instead of slowly melting down in my room…..

What is my biggest challenge? Balance. I can’t seem to find it.

I put off work. I relax.

I feel guilty. I overwork.

I oversleep. I feel guilty. I work harder.

I snap at my students. I drink too much.

I undersleep. I drink too much coffee.

I get hyper. I have a good day. I think I have it figured out.

I break down. I have no idea what I’m doing.

I procrastinate. I cram. I overshedule.

I yell at my kids for not being on top of their shit. I laugh. I’m a hypocrite.

My biggest challenge? Getting up everyday knowing I’ll go to sleep with more to do. Figuring out how to live my life and do my job without failing at both.

I hope by next year my biggest challenge is something I know I can work through, because I’m having doubts about this one.

Well, I will pause for a brief moment of bitchery….The DMV can suck it. They can suck it HARD. Yesterday, I took my second trip there in two weeks, waited in 4 lines, gave them $1500 (well, my dad gave them $1500), was told I had to pay a $200 late fine because the LAST trip I took ended in utter failure (I contested this…angrily), yelled at the people helping me for the first time ever (I’m overly nice to everyone. This was a big deal), and after 5 (yes FIVE) hours, finally got my California plates and driver’s license. I think, however, it cost me my faith in government. I’ll have to watch copious amounts of The West Wing to get that back.

Anyway, things that are going well…

Friday I went bowling with my co-workers, like all of them. I don’t know if I emphasize this enough, but the staff at my school is comically amazing. They actually make intelligent, thoughful, and caring decisions about students, about what would actually be best for them, about how we can make them successful, happy, and prepared for work and college. It makes me sad and mildly angry that not every school can be run like mine is, with students being the most important factor in decision making. It makes so much sense, yet it seems like no one does it.

Besides being awesome teachers and all that business, they are fun. Like ridiculously fun. Like cheering louder than the entire bowling alley when I finally (amazingly) got a strike after 6 frames of gutter balls and starting dance parties in the middle of the lanes after a number of drinks. I doubt my high school teachers were ever this much fun, although, I kind of hope they were.

My kids are also kind of amazing. I’ve gotten two emails over the break from kids wanting to know what they can do to pull up their grades, and I spent two hours after school on Friday sitting with two girls in my class discussing Twilight and eating cookies. How is that not an amazing end to the week?

And the best thing about my job slash life? We have this ENTIRE week off! It’s literally the longest Thanksgiving break I’ve ever heard of, and despite spending the better part of my day yesterday at the DMV, it’s been an excellent break thus far, and it’s not even Thanksgiving yet. I’ve played beach vollyball, seen New Moon, eaten all-you-can-eat tacos, gone to the dentist (where they let me watch House while getting my teeth cleaned!), gotten my haircut, and been to a mildly ridiculous birthdary party. Tonight my sister is coming over to help me cook dinner, drink wine, and watch Glee. She’s staying over tonight to prepare for tomorrow when we will embark on a Gilmore Girl-esque thanksgiving adventure. We start at noon by meeting our San Diego relatives for lunch at the Montage in Beverly Hills for, what I assume, will be a ridiculously fancy Thanksgiving “dinner.” We’re then heading out to her neighbor’s dinner and then to her boyfriend’s dinner. I anticipate not being able to move by six.

If that is the case, I’m sure I won’t be able to type, so I hope everyone has an amazing Thanksgiving!

Highs – My Birthday!

Low – I’m old!

High – I found out one of my students, who, yes, occasionally tires to sleep in my class, but is, on the whole, pretty well behaved, is completely horrifying in two of her other classes. This, obviously, isn’t a high for her other teachers, but it made me feel like I am doing something right.

Low – Constant. Chattering. My kids NEVER shut up! They aren’t bad kids. They aren’t disrespectful, most of the time. It’s just if I stop talking or give them ONE minute to get off-task, the talking begins. I’m working on it, though…

High – My best TFA/co-worker friend who is the resource teacher at our school invited me over Thursday for Apple-Cinnamon Pancakes. She clearly is a rock star. I honestly don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t run and fall into her giant red bean bag chair at the end of a tough day, or send completely random, whiney emails to her during class. Plus, she’s ridiculously phenomenal at her job, so she helps me out with mine.

High – When I told my kids they’d get extra credit for going to this college fair on Sunday and let them know that if they brought me a brochure back from my college, they would get extra credit, they got all excited and were like “We’re going to go tell them we have Ms. B, and that she is an awesome teacher!.” Melt.

Low – Most of my very vocal students are HATING the Steinbeck novel we are reading, which I kind of can’t blame them for. I remember going on long rants against The Pearl in 9th grade, but anyway…it’s tough to get them to look past the fact that, while there is no intense action or high school level drama, the writing is pretty ridiculous, and it’s Steinbeck for pete’s sake!

High – In an attempt to make them mildly excited about the book, I had them start making MySpace profiles for the characters, and they flipped out! Even when they got their reward of free time at the end of class to work on whatever they wanted, EVERY one of them kept working on the project. They were debating what each character would like, what they would say, searching through the book for their age and clues as to what they might write on each other’s walls…they might not write the most academic blog posts on their profiles, but they are more excited and engaged with the book, so I’m considering it a win.

So…I’m going to call this week a success, on the whole. It was definitely uplifted by my birthday, but the rest of the week didn’t suck either.

Last year, I was in the midst of high school-like drama. This year, I’m teaching high schoolers. Last year, I was drowning in homework. This year, I’m the one giving it. Last year, I didn’t feel any older. This year, I feel about 100.

In the past year, I traveled half-way around the world. I moved back home and moved 3,000 miles from it. I graduated college. I became a real-live adult. I got my first paycheck over $1000. I partied in Vegas and fell asleep at 8:00PM from exhaustion. I went from being endlessly bored, waking up at 10:00AM regularly, to endlessly stressed, pulling myself out of bed at 5:30AM. I made some new friends, visited some old ones, and moved back in with some cool ones. I’ve cried more times than I can count, over friends, over stress, and over leaving behind an amazing city and four years of (mostly) fun.

But now, I’m entering my 23rd year. I welcomed it with a group of 32 teenagers belting out “Happy Birthday” as they ran into my classroom. I welcomed it with ridiculously large homemade cupcakes with contraband candles burning on top. (I told them not to bring fire to school!) I welcomed it with hand-made cards thanking me for “helping us with problems and being a wonderful teacher.” I welcomed it over beers with new, amazing friends who truly understand how old I feel.

While my 23rd year most likely won’t seem as life-changing on paper as  my 22nd, I’m thinking that by my 24th year, I’m going to be an entirely different person, and for today at least, I feel kind of OK with that.

My students have been understanding the information this week and have been more engaged than usual. They actually started doing internet research today, and kept checking with me to make sure their sources were credible and reliable. (English teacher win!) I had someone observe my class this morning, and instead of telling me I’m completely failing at life, she basically told me to work on things I already knew I had to work on. It was less discouraging and more validating, having someone tell me that I’m not crazy in thinking there are some things I’m good at and some things I definitely need to work on. I have trouble knowing when I’m being too hard on myself and when I’m not being hard enough. Having another set of eyes helps me see what I can’t – it’s much less scary than I thought it would be.

I also somehow finally got into a grove this week of getting all my work done in such a way that I can take an hour or two at night to just sit back, kind of relax in that I’m-almost-not-able-to-keep-my-eyes-open way, and watch Bob and Jillian scream at sweaty, “Biggest Loser” contestants. Yes, I still have a lot going on, and yes, I still might have another nervous breakdown this weekend, but right now, in this moment, I feel alright, and that is definitely worth documenting.

Oh, and as an early birthday present to myself (12 days!), I bought myself Adobe Lightroom with my educator’s discount. $100 baby! Hopefully, it will motivate me to finally edit the awesome photos I took at my cousin’s bar mitzvah a few weeks ago.

- Remember that time I thought I was going to be a normal person after Institute? Hah. Yeah, that was adorable. I’m lengthening that statement to “two years or until I leave the education profession.”

- You know you live in LA when your friends text you that they are going to a bar and then an hour later, Paige from “Degrassi Goes Hollywood” walks into that bar.

- The other day, my “check engine” light came on. I’ve yet to do anything about it except yell, “I don’t have time to deal with your problems, Prius!”

- My friends were all complaining about how annoying their jobs were. All I could add was that my Executive Director (he’s above the principal at my school) pulled me aside to tell me how good my classroom looks. Win.

- It’s really hard to explain to my friends why at 2AM, I’m pretty anxious (read: angry about not getting) to go home and sleep, but also why I don’t mind getting up at 7AM on a Saturday to go to work.

I think that’s it. There are about 8,000 posts I’ve written in my mind about how scared I am about Tuesday (aka THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL) about how EFFING AMAZING my school and staff is, about how I actually love my job (so far…fingers crossed), and how for the first time, I never walk into work thinking, “I really don’t want to be here today,” but it’s hard to prioritize blogging over things like, oh, actually planning out my class, or sleeping, or seeing my friends every once in a while.

It’s frustrating though, because I so wish I was documenting all the things that are happening. I hope I can find the time. I want to remember this.

Hey ms b, just wanted to take the time and say thank you for everything you have tought us. Being in your class has been a better experience from all my other teachers and I finally understand English well now. Mr. W and yourself are great teachers I hope both of you have great luck in teaching in the future and thank you again for making me understand English way better.
-Sincerely
E

The rest of the week here in LA was solid – we had more info panels about TFA’s corps values and all that jazz. We had a night out at Lucky Strike, and I took one of my new friends out to WeHo to see Grace and check out the area. There was some drama over credentialing programs (it looks like I’ll be going to UCLA. What up, Bruins?!), and a slew of mildly unappetizing food, but overall, it’s been a positive introduction to TFA.

While Induction was good, the highlight of my week was definitely Wednesday and Thursday. Another TFA-er (we’ll call him TT as he is also now my Team Teacher, and I’m feeling like maybe I should code this blog when it comes to work related things…) and I headed down to our school to meet our staff and join them for training at an amazing charter high school in San Diego. The second we pulled up in front of the colorful building and saw everyone standing in the parking lot, I knew I was set – my school was going to be something amazing. Everyone was immediately welcoming, and the energy of the staff was ridiculous.

Over the next two days (TT and I had to leave early, sadly enough, to get back for TFA stuff…) I sat in on some amazing sessions on reading, project-based learning, creating a team culture in your classroom, and planning. Our team met to talk about where we want our students to be and to brain-storm project ideas, and we got a mini-tour of the school. The best part, though, was when we got back to the two houses they rented out in La Jolla for the whole staff. We played vollyball. Our assistant principals made us a ridiculous dinner. We learned our personality colors and battled via posterboard about whose group was best. The “young” crowd (TT, an ’07 corps member who is our resource/special ed teacher, and another recent grad schooler, JC – who is a giant ray of sunshine and the only female on the engineering side of the school) stayed up until midnight watching You Tube videos and just talking. It was so relaxed, so welcoming, and so…fun. The group is amazingly well rounded, with TFA-ers, recent grad school grads, and veteran teachers, many of whom used to be instructional coaches. I do not think I could be in a better position going into my first year of teaching. Any time I asked a question, it turned into a half an hour discussion with advice, ideas, and support. One of the VP’s came up to me and made sure to tell me that we are all new at this school and to project-based learning, to make sure I didn’t feel overwhelmed. We laughed and planned, and I honestly didn’t want to leave.

Sadly, TT and I had to drive back Thursday afternoon, after finding out we will be team teaching (we’ll have the same 60 students – as each student only has two core teachers), so we can plan together all summer at Institute. After bonding over our mutual feelings on TFA and getting some brainstorming done on the drive back, we stopped by the school, as I’d never been inside, and our principal insisted we go look at our classrooms. We walked through the hallways and into the courtyard where our rooms are. (Side note: how weird are California schools, with their outdoor walkways and classrooms that open directly to the outside?!) As we walked up to the building, I saw that there was a sign on my door that said “Ms. B(restoflastname)” (Sorry, internet paranoia setting in!) My heart literally stopped. This whole teaching suddenly clicked and was real. I’m going to be a teacher. All these kids are coming to this new school full of (I hope!) excitement and possibly fear, with expectations and wishes for high school, and I’m the one who has to teach them, who is going to be school for them. I really hope I can live up to those expectation.